Now that I’m back home with plenty of time and energy to write again, I’d like to touch upon each of the hotels I stayed at and offer some feedback, in case any of you were considering visiting a city or property I otherwise touched on with my blogging.

The trip wasn’t about the hotels — they just served as a medium for road-tripping — but I do have some helpful thoughts on each property.

I’d like to go back, in sequential order, and tell you exactly what to look out for, should the fancy strike you to hit the road like I did (assuming life doesn’t shut down again shortly).

Iowa City, Iowa

Say Something Nice: This hotel was hands-down the most accessible to non-guests and the general public. It’s built right along Iowa City’s downtown pedestrian mall, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the hotel’s outdoor plaza was also a public stage for the weekend’s Jazz Fest. Additionally, the hotel bar (Gene’s, named after a Wilder actor than most) had ample outdoor seating, and a majority of its guests didn’t have a room reservation. I’m not trying to rip too hard on boutique hotels, but a general complaint about them is that they don’t offer a whole lot to folks who aren’t planning on spending hundreds of dollars there — the Iowa City location stands out as a place I’d gladly visit again, even if I were staying at another hotel or a friend’s place some distance away.

Constructive Feedback: Not much comes to mind! I really enjoyed my stay here. Valet parking wasn’t available, but that’s how I prefer my vehicle storage experience: let me do it.

Madison, Wisc.

Say Something Nice: I’ve stayed at the Madison location before, and I’ve generally enjoyed the experience both times. The summer camp-themed rooftop bar is a real treat, and it provides an excellent view of Madison’s northern Lake Mendota. The aesthetic is neat! Trying to replicate a vintage camping experience (stinky and sweaty) in a higher-end guest stay is an ambitious idea, but they pull it off well in Badger Country.

Constructive Feedback: This location is one of the more claustrophobic hotels I’ve been to. The hallways are narrow, the rooms kinda stack on top of each other in weird ways, and there’s only room for about 1-2 cars to park out front and load/unload at any given time. Also, the in-room TV volume only goes up to 30%, which is a decent strategy for wanting people to keep the noise down in such close quarters, but I couldn’t hear a majority of the shows I tried to watch (see: The Twilight Zone, Golden Girls). They just need a little more “oomph.” And lastly, maybe it’s just the fact that Wisconsin isn’t conditioned for 95-degree heat waves, but the air-conditioning in my room was underpowered and weak, given the forecast of my July 4 weekend stay.

Evanston, Ill.

Say Something Nice: Evanston was probably the nicest city I visited, in terms of luxury and wealth, and the Graduate Hotel there is evocative of the sort of upper-crust stay one will desire for being around Northwestern and Lake Michigan. The building is indeed quite old, but there’s tremendous pleasure to be had in using a vintage elevator and sipping cocktails in a lounge that looks like it’s made out of billiard tables. Also, providing complimentary beach passes for guests (normally $10/day for non-residents of Evanston) was quite helpful. Five minutes and you’re there, no charge.

Constructive Feedback: I just don’t think Evanston is my kind of vibe, man. It’s genuinely hard to find a meal in the area under $20 — which isn’t the hotel’s doing — but you should be prepared to walk a good distance to find something affordable. Some of the hallways are a little dingy, but the real estate itself is about 100 years old. Can’t really complain about that either.

Bloomington, Ind.

Say Something Nice: It’s my home city! Naturally, I was quite fond of all the little references to Bloomington and IU (bicycling, crossword puzzles, Alfred Kinsey, basketball, limestone, etc.), so I tried to keep that perspective as my “base line” for appreciating the details of other hotels/regions I didn’t grow up around. But I love the Bloomington location! It was one of the cleanest hotels, and probably the one closest for guests to find a quick, cheap bite or beer right outside the lobby. Considering its location on Kirkwood Avenue, and approximate centrality between Sample Gates and IU’s stadiums, it’d be a wonderful place to stay during move-in week, commencement, or an IU basketball/football game, should that be something on your radar.

Constructive Feedback: This might be the location that could benefit most from having an on-site bar. Not that Bloomington has any shortage of watering holes or craft beer destinations nearby! But there’s a tremendous little terrace overlooking Kirkwood Ave., and the building is by and large completely dry. Even a pony keg set-up with a single bartender and a tip cup could do serious business on a sunny afternoon.

Nashville, Tenn.

Say Something Nice: I’ve already laid out how the Nashville hotel is basically a tribute to Dolly Parton, which is enough of a selling point for most country music fans, casual or otherwise, to be blown away by its artistic boldness around all things “Dollywood.” Even if Dolly and folk music isn’t your thing, the facility is basically flooded with pop art and bold, contemporary stylings. Also, my room had an ice-cold fridge and a high-powered air-conditioner: exactly what you would want after a long day in the Tennessee sun.

Constructive Feedback: Some of the Dolly Parton artwork really does step into surreal, face-melting, God-worship territory (which is no problem for me, but it might otherwise creep out some old-fashioned boomer fans). The “White Limozeen” themed rooftop bar/restaurant and swimming pool is pretty cool, but it’s almost impossible to secure a reservation for.

Also, $40/night for valet parking (the only on-site choice) seems a bit steep when it’s more than a mile from Broadway’s honky-tonks, but that’s what you get when you’re staying in a Vegas-like region like Nashville. It would also be dope if they offered a shuttle to and from Broadway every hour or so, but I guess that’s what Uber and Lyft is for at this time.

Knoxville, Tenn.

Say Something Nice: I have an unfortunate recent history with the Tennessee Volunteers, so I came in prepared to hate on the vulgar amount of burnt orange everywhere — but ended up loving the whole shebang, strangely. Not many places can rock orange, and Knoxville can do it really well. The hotel follows suit. Right there with Chapel Hill, it might be the hotel I stayed at which is most dedicated and true to the local university’s brand of sporting fame. And while I have some choice thoughts on Peyton Manning himself, I was a big fan of “Saloon 16,” the western-tinged bar themed after Manning’s nickname (“The Sheriff”) at UT. Aside from the usual craft beer and cocktail and small-plate offerings, Saloon 16 also offered a few domestic beers at $5 or less. That’s exactly what I’d want from a “saloon” — cheap, cold, agreeable beer.

Constructive Feedback: While the well-stocked jukebox is on free play, it’s borderline impossible for the layperson to figure out. It took me about 10 minutes to solve myself, and I’m fond of puzzles. A little sign or 411 guide next to the machine would go a long way. But that’s a pretty mild complaint, all things considered.

Columbia, S.C.

Say Something Nice: Despite being the smallest of all the hotels I stayed at, Columbia’s hotel was mighty and bright. The theme there is “Southern Boutique,” which it nails quite well: lots of florals, lots of pastels, and a lot of vintage furniture. As I described it in a similar post, it’s like staying at grandma’s house again, when it was at its nostalgic best. The hotel is right next to the University of South Carolina campus — go Cocks! — so I’d recommend it for families visiting students for any old occasion.

Constructive Feedback: The lighting could stand to be a bit brighter in the public areas. The old brick property is tucked under a canopy of trees, which is scenic and nice, but come 5 or 6 p.m., even the bar felt like I was staying in a dark attic at times due to all the shade. Of course, it didn’t help that it rained the entire time I was there, but it kinda made the place feel a bit too antique and rustic at times. And while I greatly appreciate the hotel comping my on-site parking, the lot space seems ample enough to let guests park there without charging — it felt like any other economy hotel parking situation that should be a free afterthought.

Chapel Hill, N.C.

Say Something Nice: Just as I mentioned for Knoxville, the Chapel Hill hotel property is 100% on-brand to all things Carolina Blue and Tar Heel Athletics. Michael Jordan, Mia Hamm, Lawrence Taylor — the whole gang is here. I also thought the “basketball court” on Floor 2 (with a Floor 3 balcony overlook) was an incredible touch. Whether you’ve got some kids with you that need to blow off some steam (or a nostalgic shithead 31-year-old son of college basketball player on your hands), it was a fun little place to get acquainted after unpacking. Also, the Chapel Hill hotel is located right along Franklin Street, which has no shortage of cute restaurants and bars at affordable prices (we’re talking like, $3.50 for a craft bottle, or $7 for a burger and fries). A few of the rooms also have outdoor balconies overlooking Franklin Street — which I would have loved to get — but it wasn’t in the cards for me on this stay.

Constructive Feedback: This is another hotel that I don’t have a lot to nay-say about. The parking situation is a little weird, as you come in the garage on one floor, then check in on another, but that’s still an extremely mild piece of tedium to report.

Richmond, Va.

Say Something Nice: The Richmond hotel was very wise to build their theme around local tennis icon and world humanitarian Arthur Ashe. Considering how much of RVA’s history is rooted in the Confederacy and Civil Rights clashes, there were many opportunities for fucking this up, and they avoided it wisely. I was also fond of the complimentary rooftop pool, open virtually all damn day — which contrasts harshly with the Dolly Parton rooftop pool, for which $40 buys you about 2-3 hours of shared pool time with other guests. The adjacent rooftop bar also has some incredible views of the downtown/VCU campus area, and it’s open to non-guests as well. Again, it’s good to see a boutique hotel roll out the red carpet for people who aren’t necessarily staying there!

Constructive Feedback: I don’t want to be the guy that says this is in a “bad part of town” and raise all of the tricky implications that come with it, but be sure to exercise your street smarts like you would in any economically challenged downtown neighborhood. There were more panhandlers and unsafe personal confrontations going on here than in any other city I visited on the trip. I felt relatively safe to walk around by myself as a young, tall male, but I wouldn’t necessarily extend the same advice to young ladies or older travelers — although none of this is the hotel’s doing, I should say.

As for the hotel itself, it needs more luggage carts. I ended up checking out more than an hour past the scheduled time because I was waiting on other people to get done with the few trolleys they had. I believe I remember this location having 16 floors, so the wait time on a free or uncrowded elevator only exacerbated this problem. I also believe that hell is other people, so this could just as easily be attributed to people who, for instance, got a luggage cart, set it outside their room, and waited a half-hour to start using it — but the hotel having more carts would help in any case.

Charlottesville, Va.

Say Something Nice: Like many of the other hotels, this Graduate location fits the calling card of being right next to the UVA campus, which is an obvious goal of the property. But unlike the historic and colonial stylings of the region, this hotel boldly tried a few modern-art tributes to Founding Fathers and the like, which was a neat, unpredictable sort of aesthetic. There’s also a “Game Room” with ping pong and shuffleboard — any opportunity to socialize in a boutique hotel without having to spend money or get drunk is a helpful plus (especially as I was rounding the bend on Days 24-26 of the trip).

Constructive Feedback: The rooftop bar was under construction and closed — perfectly understandable — but the rooftop balcony was also unlocked and reachable by guests. I’m not sure if they wanted us up there, or even if I was allowed to be up there, but I was able to see some incredible sights of Charlottesville and the nearby hills from the vantage point. It’d be neat if the hotel told people explicitly that they should go up and have a look, but then again, maybe their silence on the matter was the idea all along — it’s tough to say. I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to encourage folks to take a picture and enjoy the sunset, because my little sneak-around was one of my favorite parts of the hotel stay itself.

Columbus, Ohio

Say Something Nice: Another major college athletics powerhouse, another spot-on tribute from the hotel brand. If you like Ohio State ANYTHING, you’re gonna love this place. And the non-athletics celebrity tributes are really cool too: I noticed John Glenn, R.L. Stine, James Thurber, and more in my room alone. The hotel also has a resident mascot dog — “Scarlet” — which is referenced a few times around the hotel in various bulldog cookie jars, paintings, etc. This hotel is also right along Columbus’ downtown “Short North,” which provides tons of bars and restaurants to visit. It’s a bit like Evanston in that cheap bites are a little harder to find nearby, but you can make this work if you like Chipotle, White Castle, or UDF (United Dairy Farmers). There’s also a Kroger about 1 mile north, which greatly aided my in-room snacking and drinking abilities.

Constructive Feedback: I’m honestly baffled why this place has “valet parking.” There’s a single, one-story lot immediately behind the hotel, about 80 yards long, where all the guest cars park. All the valet does is park your car for you when you step out, at most a few dozen feet away. When I asked for my keys so I could start loading up my truck upon departure, the Valet insisted on starting the car for me and bringing it over (a total of 35 feet). When I said no, he asked if he could unlock the door for me. I said no again, he insisted on helping me put my suitcase in my truck. I tipped him $2 and told him to please just let me do it myself, at which point he obliged.

I’m sure the folks who work the valet there are professional and kindly, but it felt like an overreach or needling money grab for what otherwise seems like a basic parking amenity at best. Graduate, if you’re reading this, don’t lay off their positions or anything, but maybe tone it down on the “please let me help” vibes if someone says no. It got weird.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Say Something Nice: The “Queen City” hotel closely rivaled Nashville’s Dolly Parton-themed hotel as the most decorated and eye-popping one of the entire trip — and since I strongly prefer New Wave to country music, it ended up being my favorite place to stay. Perhaps inspired by the nearby Cincinnati Art Museum’s notable collection of late 1970’s and early 1980’s art — as well as the Kendall toy company’s former location in Cincinnati — staying in a bright hall full of pop culture references and zig-zag paintings and Bootsy Collins wallpapers made me feel like I was taking up residence at Pee-Wee Herman’s house in his classic “Big Adventure” movie. The free parking was also quite nice, and something I took advantage of to go see friends in the area. This is by far the most spacious hotel of all of them I stayed at — probably because it was the only one with a sizeable convention center space — but I genuinely felt like I could get lost in the whole place on a neat walking tour and not feel upset about it.

Also, take advantage of the free billiard table in the lobby. That was very satisfying when I had 20 minutes to kill.

Constructive Feedback: It would be nice if the bar stayed open past 11 p.m. — I concede that the hotel staff knows what’s best for them and their capacity more than I do, but both nights I had a drink there, there were folks ready to have another drink or two and they had to settle for last call. It’s a double-edged sword: Considering the hotel’s proximity to UC’s hospitals and not much else, there’s not much of a “bar district” to justify staying open late for. At the same time, it pretty much being the only watering hole in the area, being open until midnight on a Friday or Saturday seems somewhat reasonable. But that’s a pretty mild complaint in the grand scheme of things, and I otherwise loved my 3-day stay in Cincinnati.

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FINAL RANKINGS

All these subjective variables aside — if I had to broadly rank each hotel based on the quality of stay I had, here’s where they would sort out in a sports “power rankings” structure among my personal happiness level at each spot:

First-Class

• 1. Cincinnati, Ohio
• 2. Iowa City, Iowa
• 3. Knoxville, Tenn.
• 4. Bloomington, Ind.

Second Tier

• 5. Chapel Hill, N.C.
• 6. Madison, Wisc.
• 7. Nashville, Tenn.
• 8. Columbus, Ohio

Third Tier

• 9. Richmond, Va.
• 10. Evanston, Ill.
• 11. Charlottesville, Va.
• 12. Columbia, S.C.

But don’t take my word for it — hit the road yourself and try it out on your own terms. I stayed at some of these places on the weekend, some of these places mid-week, and some of these places on holidays like July 4 or my birthday.

You’ll probably end up with your own perspective of each place regardless. I just hope that what I offered in the meantime helped you take a little mental vacation in your own mind.

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-moose